FADE IN:
 
               INT. DREW Z. GREENBERG'S HOME OFFICE- DAY

                                   DREW ZEE
                             (muttering)
                         Skinny-dipping!  A naked girl? 
                         Gross.  What can I do to make this
                         even remotely exciting?

               Drew Zee sits and thinks.

                                   DREW ZEE (cont'd)
                         Hmm, maybe I can have Clark dive
                         in, and then Lana will think he
                         drowned, but he pops up and scares
                         her!  That is very original of me.

               Drew Zee types furiously.

                                   DREW ZEE (cont'd)
                         Now I just need some cheesy lame-
                         ass dialogue.  Hmm.

               "I always said there should be nothing between us" scrolls
               across his laptop screen.

               Drew Zee shakes his head.

                                   DREW ZEE (cont'd)
                         Lana is such a dumbass.

               He finishes writing the teaser of "Slumber."

                                                           DISSOLVE TO:



               INT. DREW Z. GREENBERG'S BEDROOM - TWO WEEKS EARLIER

                                   DREW ZEE
                         Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been
                         cancelled!!  What will I write for
                         now?  

               Drew Zee cuddles with his ANONYMOUS MALE LOVER.  Suddenly,
               the episode of Will & Grace in which Smallville is discussed
               comes on KTLA 5.  Drew eagerly leans forward to watch the TV.

                                   DREW ZEE (cont'd)
                         That's it!

                                   ANONYMOUS MALE LOVER
                         What, you gonna write for Will &
                         Grace?

                                   DREW ZEE
                         No, Smallville!! It's so gay!  I
                         can definitely write for it!

                                   ANONYMOUS MALE LOVER
                         And Will & Grace isn't gay?

                                   DREW ZEE
                         Have you ever seen Smallville?

               Drew Zee kicks Anonymous Male Lover out of bed.

                                                                 CUT TO:

               EXT. SMALL LOS ANGELES CAFE- DAY

                                   ALMILES
                         So, you say you want to be a writer
                         for Smallville, huh?

               Drew Zee sighs.  He can't believe his career has come to
               this.

                                   DREW ZEE
                             (hollywood bs)
                         I'd love to!

                                   ALMILES
                         Why do you think you would be
                         suited to be a staff writer for our
                         fabulous high-quality television
                         show?

                                   DREW ZEE
                         Well, I wrote for Buffy for a few years.

               Almiles taps their fingers on the table, not impressed.

                                   DREW ZEE (cont'd)
                         I wrote an episode of Queer as Folk
                         once.

               Almiles' eyes light up.

                                   ALMILES
                         You're hired!

                                                                CUT TO:



               INT. SMALLVILLE PRODUCTION OFFICE- DAY

                                   DREW ZEE
                         So, I have this great idea!  This
                         alcoholic Freak of the Week
                         challenges Clark to a drinking
                         game, and Clark figures that he can
                         win because he's so super, but he
                         ends up getting fucking drunk off
                         his ass, and Lex contrivedly drives
                         by in his Porsche, and he takes
                         Clark back to his house, but Clark
                         is so drunk that he...

                                   ALMILES
                         Yeah, that's very nice and gay, but
                         we have you scheduled to write some
                         Clark and Lana skinny-dipping. 

               Drew Zee gags on his latte.  The other writing staff members
               giggle.

                                   DREW ZEE
                             (shuddering)
                         Skinny-dipping?

                                   ALMILES
                         Have fun and welcome to Smallville!

                                                                CUT TO:



               INT. SMALLVILLE PRODUCTION OFFICE- TWO WEEKS LATER 

               Drew Zee shows Almiles his teaser.

                                   ALMILES
                         We like!  Clark and Lana get naked
                         without actually having to face the
                         consequences in real life.  A dream
                         sequence!  This very contrived
                         situation and idea has never been
                         done before!  Well done, Drew Zee!

                                   DREW ZEE
                             (rolling eyes)
                         God, help me.